Why I will never listen to My Favorite Murder

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My Favorite Murder is the hit true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Since its inception in early 2016, the show has broken download records and sparked an enthusiastic, interactive “Murderino” fan base who came out in droves this spring for the sold-out nationwide tour.

It is hard for me to fathom why this show exists, but alas, not only does it exist but it is insanely popular. If you haven’t listened to My Favorite Murder , don’t. There are endless things more  worthy of your time and your ears. Its been around for about a year and has been greeted with arms outstretched.

Really.

I should state that I am by no means a square. I like watching Law and Order SVU. I don’t shy away from overtly violent movies (though I have never seen a Saw nor similar torture porn trash). I understand that everyone has a different sense of humor, and I know that some turn to laughter in the face of tragedy because its the only thing they have left to do. I assume neither of the women unapologetically laughing on their podcast have known such pain. There is a certain level of respect when talking about murder. Even when the stories are fictional.  Even when there are no family members to miss one of  Olivia Benson’s known victims. There are no tasteless jokes made at (be them fictional) character’s expense.  The tone is somber. Grief ends the final scene. I listen to True Crime podcasts. Sword and the Scale discuss heinous crimes but they understand just that. They are heinous. They are aware that behind every story they tell there are real families. Real victims. Real people who had to live the very stories they’re telling. Their stories are not told to ignore the aftermath of a premature death. No longer able to live.  Breathe. Listen to their ~favorite podcast.

‘My Favorite Murder’. Really? Its your favorite? It changes each week? What do you mean by your favorite murder?

 

I don’t understand. You prefer a certain unlawful premeditated killing of a human being to another? Stay Sexy. Don’t Get Murdered. Do you think any murder victim planned on being killed? Do people actually find this amusing? Before I even heard a word of Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark’s podcast I was already sure of one thing: they had never had someone taken from them. Some of us have. We will NEVER get over it.

When you lose someone you love in the cruelest way possible, you have zero tolerance for people who don’t understand. But at the same time you hope with everything inside of you that they never will. Still, usually people are respectful enough to not make a mockery of the dead just based out of pure respect for humankind. That is why I find this podcast so troubling. The blatant disrespect for the crimes they’re discussing begins even before minute one. That kitschy name…What is in a name? Well, for starters, two white women taking a photo like the one below to discuss their podcast entitled ‘My Favorite Murderer’ in a time where people of color have to advise their children how to do their best not to end up dead each night is enough to make me roll my eyes into oblivion. But please, see for yourself.
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What a CUTE stylized murder scene! The popcorn is a REALLY nice touch!

You see, for these two women, murder is merely a podcast taking place from the comfort of their living room. There is no imminent danger every time they step out the door in the way that there is for so many less privileged than them worldwide. But still, they are women; they know how scary the world can be. THEY SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO TURN MURDERED WOMEN INTO 60 MINUTE PODCASTS WHERE THEY LAUGH ABOUT THEIR DEATHS ! Yes, LAUGH! Not two minutes into their first episode and they’re chucking about a woman who was killed by her husband on their family stairs. Infact, their initial intro is so off putting that I almost stopped listening minute one. How devoid of tact can one be? How do you not understand that these are REAL people? I kept listening:

This is why we’re friends because we LOVE murder!” 

Love Murder. How edgy. How brave. How entertaining for you?

How heartless. How problematic.

I am sure that the family members of EVERY SINGLE ONE of the victim’s you chuckle about whilst glorifying the men who killed them #LOVEMURDER too.

Do these women not realize this? That murder is not a laughing matter? That the pain of a murder goes on long after the victim’s death? That there are funerals. Trials. Sold homes. Lost marriages. Children. Weddings. Mourning. Mourning. Mourning. A void never to be filled.

Do I need to point this out?

I’m nearing 15 minutes of the podcast. My jaw is clenching as I hope for the facade to melt away and for the two women to come to their senses and realize the weight of their words. I make it through them comparing serial killers to viral videos based on the number of victims relating to number of views

‘Yeah like, how many cats are there and how many people like it!?’

Really?

What made me turn it off was the following sentiment expressed by one of the women on the show (I am not sure which one)

“It almost scares me more when they don’t rape them. Because like, if you’re just like, sexually fucked up and you want to get boned… and then you kill someone to do that. But just to kill them to kill them? I mean, I’m not saying one thing is better than the other but…”

There. You lost me there. Do you understand what you are saying? Do you understand the words that so carelessly spilled out of your mouth? Do I need to point this out?

To be murdered.

To be murdered and raped.

RAPED. RAPED BEFORE YOUR LIFE IS TAKEN FROM YOU. I don’t know which one of you said this, but I want you to know that it killed something in me that I didn’t know could die. My heart is still beating. I am lucky. But you took something from me. How could someone be so callous? A fellow woman. Do you understand what you just said? It scares you more? WHAT ABOUT THE VICTIMS? What about the men women and children who endured the terrors of which you speak. Want to get boned… as if in your terrifically ignorant head that somehow makes it more understandable. I will spell it out for you. One is most certainly ‘better’ than the other. Murder is perhaps the only thing more horrific than rape, but one would hope with every fiber of their being that they encounter murder before enduring the other. Do you understand?

Your sentiment proves just how disconnected you are from the subject matter you’re profiting off of.  The victim’s you’re profiting off of. Period. The families who have to deal with hearing their loved one’s name tainted with laughter by someone who feels its ok to piece together snarky anecdotes about their death. Week after week.

I am comforted that so many people do not know the pain that some of us do. I hope no one else ever does. But to those who elect to listen to this podcast, I plead with you to please stop. Of all of the thousands of women who went out to see their tour this year, I would bet my life that not a single soul in the audience had to bury a loved one taken by a murderer.

We remember their favorite songs. Their favorite kind of ice cream. Their favorite place. Their favorite holiday. We remember their favorites because they are no longer able to decide them.

Thank you to anyone who has read this and who exhibits compassion and empathy in these precious lives we lead.

Favorite. Of the same kind.

 

 

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One comment

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